I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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