how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
