Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
