my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
