why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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