i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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