Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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