i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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