Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
