I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
