Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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