When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
