Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
