I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
