Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
