Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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