He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
