how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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