there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
