You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
