1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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