can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
