Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
