I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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