I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love you. Go after that dick
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