Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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