I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
