We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
