I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
