what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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