I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
