You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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