sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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