Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
