So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
