that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
