david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
