so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
