This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
