Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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