tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
