im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
