i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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