hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize