We're facebook friends in real life
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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