it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
