Cold hands, warm shart.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That accounts for only three of the penises
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
