What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We left the knife in your bed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
