wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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