So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
