Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
