walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
