Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
