He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
