you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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