his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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