I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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