Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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