i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
