Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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