He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
