i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
