hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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