Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
