Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
