I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
