white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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