Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
