He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
