So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
